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Adultery and coveting my neighbor’s wife blew over my head, but I certainly was conversant with lying and coveting some things. The commandments gave me guidelines to help in the development of self awareness.
Reflecting on my actions served me well; but, as I matured, I need to be taken to a deeper level. I was - in Al-Anon. The 4th and 5th Steps invited me to take a fearless moral inventory and to admit to myself, God and another human being that I had character defects. Taking these steps is not simply a matter of making a laundry list of some things I had done or not done. What is called for is willingness to look at and own up to my tendencies and interior motivations, to take personal responsibility. As my sponsor explained, the call is not only to look at weaknesses in my character but also at strengths. To use a Gospel metaphor, I was called out to “deeper waters” of self awareness of my attitudes and behaviors.
And there was a deeper level yet! Contemplative prayer practices opened me up to healing at the level of the unconscious. Thomas Keating wrote of “programs” that are embedded deep within us, ways of thinking, feeling and behaving that we do not question. We are blind to unconscious motivations that block us from being loving, from seeing ourselves and others as God would have us see. Grace is needed to be healed of this kind of blindness.
All of these level need purification if we are going to be able to see by the Light of Christ. We are told that the first step is going to be hard and unpleasant. True self awareness often engenders feelings of unworthiness and guilt. We are also told that these feelings are temporary - merely the threshold into new life, a better life for ourselves and for those with whom we live.
As we walk toward Lent, may we commit to going into these deep waters - as individuals, as citizens of our country, as Catholics. May we remember our call to live by certain values, to take fearless moral inventories, to open ourselves to purification on all levels of our being.