Once, when my young daughter had been stung by someone’s comment, I suggested that she might learn something from that experience. Remembering how it felt to be belittled, she might avoid belittling others. “From people who are kind, you can learn ways to act. From people who are not as kind, you can learn ways not to act. In either case, you have something to be grateful for.” She rolled her eyes in response.
But those words came back to bite me recently. I was listening to a few friends comment on how much they disliked Zoom meetings. Perhaps in an overly chipper fashion, I chimed in that I was enjoying the fact that the contemplative prayer gatherings I was attending on Zoom include people from Ireland, Canada, Australia, the Netherland, Poland, etc. “But you just sit there is silence - what’s the possible point,” one person said. Now I was the one who felt stung…until it occurred to me that this person has probably never prayed with others in that particular manner. How could she possibly know about the palpable sense of connection that accompanies resting in deep silence with others?
What I need to remember is that it is dangerous to assume I know what others might be experiencing. If I was unfamiliar with a particular event in their lives, it is best for me to listen to them, to see if I can get some sense of what they had felt in a given circumstance. My daughter embroidered a saying for me that I keep by my desk to remind me - “There are more things in heaven and earth, Carolyn, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” Calling all this to mind, I rolled my eyes a bit - and felt grateful for the Spirit that reminds me to take my own advice.